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What Do I Want?

I thought this question had a very straightforward answer, let alone to experience it, but I found it’s not. Many years ago, while training on shamanism in the Maker tradition, one of the exercises we had was to practice how to affect an outcome. Reading the exercise looked doable, and I was so excited knowing that affecting and having the result of whatever we ‘want’ is the completeness of that desire. However, as I practiced it every day, I bumped into a realization which was a bit disappointing. It opened up for me to see that every day is very mundane, repetitive and reminded me of Groundhog Day. If we record our movements, our thoughts, and our feelings every day, they are almost the same series of movements and patterns. We are living in a never-ending cyclical pattern, sometimes it looks like a flat line. Life becomes a linear progression, from birth to death, hence written on the grave the year of birth and year of death, and the dash in between(-) is what we call life?.

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